Check out the addon PapaCrown (I hope it still works, didn't test it):
http://www.esoui.com/downloads/info1019-PapaCrown.html
It will change the size of the group leader and you can watch the source code to see how to interact with the icon.
Maybe you are able to exchange the texture then too like it is described in the addon:
Changing the color of the icon is impossible, but you can change the texture file it references. For example, replace the line of code in the addon with this to get the red ebonheart pact banner:
SetFloatingMarkerInfo(MAP_PIN_TYPE_GROUP_LEADER, 64, "EsoUI/Art/MapPins/AvA_flagEbonheart.dds")
If you decide to change it...be sure to close your game and log back in; just reloading UI will crash it.
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But as Ayantir said: It will only change the icon for all members of a group not for single ones.