EDIT: Apparently, my computer is made out of derp and failure. It was somehow updating its x32 version. Took me a moment to realize this (why does my x64 computer even bloody have this?) and manually download the C++ x64 package.
I'm now beating my computer with a stick for its silliness while it installs updates for Minion. You can disregard my thread. At least now I have an account here for future use!
If anyone else runs into this:
Microsoft Visual C++ Redistributable 2010; x64 Package
Old Post:
When trying to open Minion, I get the following errors in sequence.
Minion.exe - System Error
The program can't start because MSVCR100.dll is missing from your computer. Try reinstalling the program to fix this problem.
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Have tried reinstalling. I'm sure I'm screwing something basic up, but I can't imagine what. I installed as Administrator. Am running Windows 8.1. I checked and my Microsoft Visual C++ IS up to date according to Microsoft. I am willing to readily accept that it is lying to my face, though.